Today on June 01, 2003, I saw "The Matthew Sheppard Story" starring Stockard Channing on the Bravo! channel. I feel it was very well done and deserves a full four stars. The last five minutes with the testimony from Matthews father was the most striking to me. The following are some thoughts that I had while viewing the film as well as memories from that year when Matthew was murdered.

I remember October 14, 1998 quite well. As usual that morning I had gotten up, gotten dressed, had my breakfast and coffee. I turned the radio on to Arrow 93 FM, a local classic rock station. Lon Landis, the newscaster, stated that Matthew Sheppard had been murdered and that he was gay. My reaction to that story, as with most news stories, was indifference because of murders and other incidents of lawlessness that happen every day. As with most significant events that affect the lives of people, little did I know that the story of this man was going to touch mine.

During this time, I was quite homophobic, though thankfully not near as much as many staunch homophobes. However, a full six months later approximately, I was sent a URL from an internet contact. I went to the URL. It was the story of Matthew Sheppards life. Being a person that loves to read about the lives of other people even if I dont agree with a significant aspect of it, I read it. By the time I was finished reading, it was as though someone had dropped a water balloon on my face. The reason for this was because there were free-flowing mini rivers of tears running down my face. Both sides of my face overall were drenched.

I read how Matthew was in a local gay bar. I read how two men approached him masquerading as "fellow gays" and acting as though they wanted to discuss the gay movement with him. I read how they asked him if he wanted a ride. I read how they got him into their car. I read how they told him that they were not really gay. I read how they drove him to a deserted area, beat him brutally, and left him to die. I also read the subtext of how hate destroys all involved: those who inflict it, and moreover, those that are victimized unjustly by it.

I compare the homophobia I had back then to a foundation. In order for a house to be stabilized in the ground, it must be held by a foundation, or else when earthquakes and other natural disasters arrive, the house will fall. The foundation was built by the small-town environment I lived in. It was secure by the emerging fundamentalism that I absorbed from my environment. When I had completed the reading of the story of Matthew Sheppard, I figuratively heard a loud crack! in the foundation that held up my house. In the home I grew up with, there is a crack that stretches across the length of the ceiling of the living room. Metaphorically, this was the length of the crack that spread across my homophobia. Eventually, the foundation would collapse and my house would fall.

During the last five minutes of the movie, the father made a statement for the jury about Matt. At one point, he turns to Eric Mckinney and says to him: "You robbed usI will never forgive you for that. And I want nothing more than to see you die. But this is the time for healing. Every time you celebrate the Fourth of July, remember that Matt will not. Every time you celebrate Christmas, remember Matt wont. Every time you breathe, remember Matt doesnt. May you live a long life. And remember that you have Matt to thank for that." I must say that it was one of the most moving statements that I have ever heard in my life. I put myself in Erics place for a second. I am glad I am not him. But then again, I could never be him. I have lived my life by loving and caring about people, not hating and ostracizing people.

Hate is a strange, mysterious, wicked, and perverse emotion and a strange, mysterious, wicked, and perverse practice. It is one aspect of human nature I will never understand. But what I do understand is the fate of those who practice hate and allow hate to rule their lives. I am reminded of a particular scripture in the Bible in the book of Proverbs that talks about those that allow wickedness to become their guide:

And here is another saying:

Life will place a heavy judgement and a heavy price against all that practice hatred. And for them it will be grievous, for it will be twice if not more then that in which they inflicted unjustly upon the innocent. On that day, they will mourn for themselves greatly. If they have consciences, they will know why their calamity fell upon them. If they do not, they will be ignorant of the reason their grief has dealt them their just blow.

I noticed something very metaphorical about the two groups that had formed outside of the church where Matthews memorial is held in the film. The two groups are composed of those from the hate group God Hates Fags and Matthews friends. If one looks closely, one will notice that the signs held up by the hate protesters are dark yellow, dark red, dark blue, and dark green. The clothing worn by Matthews friends is composed in the shape of angels, made up of white cloth over two extended rods. Matthews friends are standing in front of the hate protesters. The white angel costumes they wear are in stark contrast to the dark colors of the hate signs. In many areas of literature, society, and faith, it is known that light represents goodness, kindness, decency, hope, and moreover love. Darkness on the other hand represents deceitful ulterior motives, wickedness, hatred, and crimes representing all kinds of evil. I found the metaphor of that interesting and quite striking.

May we all remember from this mans life and the lives of all that have been taken by hatred that when one does a good deed for anothersays a kind word, gives something to that person to help make that persons day a little brighter, takes time out of their day to be with that person in times of trouble, spends time with that person to build a good friendshipthat the same and more will be done to them. When someone does a wicked deed against anotherspreads malicious rumors, steals from that person, lies and manipulates to use that person, goes to two people in a friendship telling each person falsehoods about the other to break up that friendship, cheats against that personthe same and more will be done to them. It is also said in the Bible that "whatever you shall sow, you shall also reap." Love builds up, renews, strengthens, and heals a person, friendships, and other relationships. In contrast, hate tears down, tortures, wears away, and destroys figuratively and literally a person, friendships, and relationships. The blood that floods the hands of those two that murdered Matthew Sheppard will stain their hands for the rest of their lives until their literal deaths. But the love of his parents and their desire to keep their sons memory alive through their activism and their goodness will heal them, bless them, and renew that which was torn down.

Hate destroys and casts those who practice it in an unmarked early grave. Love heals and lasts even beyond a persons passing.